Pekerjaan v.s. Pelayanan

BIla anda melakukannya untuk mendapat nafkah…, itu pekerjaan.

Bila anda melakukannya karena untuk Tuhan…, itulah pelayanan.

Bila anda keluar karena ada yang mengkritik…, itu pekerjaan.

Bila anda terus bekerja meski dikritik habis-habisan…, itulah pelayanan.

Bila anda berhenti karena tidak ada yang berterima kasih…, itu pekerjaan.

Bila anda terus bekerja walau tidak pernah dikenal siapapun…, itulah pelayanan.

Bila anda merasa semakin sulit menikmati apa yang anda kerjakan…, itu pekerjaan.

Bila anda merasa semakin sulit untuk tidak menikmatinya…, itulah pelayanan.

Bila yang anda pikirkan adalah sukses…, itu pekerjaan.

Bila yang anda pikirkan adalah kesetiaan…, itulah pelayanan.

(from Mudika Paroki Kelahiran St. Perawan Maria Kepanjen Surabaya 2006)

Apa yang mau a share di bawah ini benernya udah pernah a tulis pas jaman a masih ngeblog di Friendster taun 2007 lalu.
Pengen nulis lagi aja buat dishare ke adik-adik kelas di IPPAK dan semua orang sekarang yang lagi bergulat ma karya pelayanannya :)

Intinya si cuma mau bilang: klo yg namanya pelayanan emang ga pernah mudah ya?
Bukan hal yang mudah untuk melakukan hal yang baik untuk orang lain.
udah ga ada duitnya, yg ada kadang malah nombok…
udah ga ada untungnya, yg ada malah capek..
belum tentu ada yang berterima kasih, yg ada malah digosipin, dicaci maki, plus dihujat ga becus lah, ga mampu lah, ga kompetenlah...
belum lagi kalau kita dibanding-bandingkan ma orang lain.
emang ya, yang namanya pelayanan tu cuapek buangedddd…
Ya, mungkin karena itulah pelayanan jadi identik dengan "ikut memanggul salib on the way to Calvary"...

Lucunya, walaupun dalam pelayanan yang kita jalani itu kita menangis darah, kita misuh-misuh dan mengeluh sekeras apapun....
walaupun berkali-kali kita merasa ingin menyerah...
Tapi kalau kita jujur pada apa yang sesungguhnya kita rasakan:
Sebenarnya kita menikmati semua itu…dan kita ga pernah sanggup untuk sungguh-sungguh berhenti dan melarikan diri.

Seengganya, itulah yang a rasakan selama ini.
Buat a, pelayanan itu ga pernah mudah.
a juga sering nangis dulu…sering ngeluh juga,…sering nyesek sampai ingin berhenti.
Udah capek-capek, udah korban waktu, tenaga, materi juga mental…
Jangan kata dihargain n dibilang terima kasih, tetep aja dihina, diomongin di belakang, dikata-katain, dikritik pedes, dibanding-bandingkan.
Semakin a berusaha memberikan yang terbaik, semakin keras juga cobaan itu mukul a jatuh berkali-kali.

Terkadang protes dalam hati
Ada rasa ga terima… setelah sekian banyak pengorbanan yg a lakuin demi mereka, koq bisa-bisanya mereka memperlakukan a seperti gitu????
"Hai umat apa salahku kepadamu?"

Tapi biarpun a berkali-kali protes…berkali-kali marah, berkali-kali kecewa dan terluka…berkali2 juga dikritik habis ‘n ga dihargai….
Ga pernah sekalipun a berniat untuk sungguh mundur.
Ya, kadang memang capek bgt… jiwa dan raga.
Ya, kadang memang nyaris ga kuat… fisik juga mental.
Tapi ga pernah sekalipun a berhenti.
bertahan dan bertahan… Selalu bertahan
Kenapa?

Iya ya? kenapa?
Mungkin itu akan jadi pertanyaan abadi bwt a, juga bwt semua orang yg ngerasain seperti itu (yakin bgt, ga sedikit jumlahnya di luar sana)…
Kenapa?
Kenapa sih kita selalu bertahan?
kenapa sih kita ga mundur dan menyerah, setelah apa yg kita korbankan dan apa kita terima sebagai balasan?
kenapa sih kita rela diinjak-injak demi sesuatu yang ga menghasilkan keuntungan apa2 dalam diri kita?
kenapa…kenapa…dan kenapa?

Mungkin jawaban itu ga akan pernah benar-benar ada.
Mungkin ga akan pernah ada jawaban logis untuk smua itu.
tapi itulah keajaiban kata yg bernama "pelayanan"…
di mana ada sesuatu yang membuat kita berbahagia di atas semua air mata itu,
di mana ada sesuatu yang memampukan kita bersyukur boleh mengalami semua keluh itu,
di mana pada akhirnya kita tidak pernah menyesali keputusan untuk terlibat,
di mana pada akhirnya kita sadar bahwa semua itulah yang menjadikan hidup ini berarti dan bermakna.

Tidak akan ada orang yg mampu mengerti, kecuali mereka yang mengalami sendiri…
karena satu2nya alasan hanya akan dimengerti oleh kita dan Tuhan sendiri…
it’s all about ourself and God almighty, Himself…

Sebagaimana Bunda Maria berkata: "Aku ini hamba Tuhan, terjadilah padaku menurut perkataanMu"
Dan sebagimana Dia sendiri berkata: "Bapa, bilamana mungkin…jauhkanlah cawan ini daripadaku…Tapi biarlah kehendakMu yang terjadi, bukan kehendakku."

Karena itu, untuk semua yang sedang berkarya dalam pelayanannya masing-masing...
khususnya teman-teman satu almamater di IPPAK.
juga untuk siapa saja yang masih berjuang...
Sepait apapun yang kita rasakan saat ini, yakin saja.
Tuhan tidak pernah tidur.
Dia ada di sana. Selalu di sana.
Mengawasi dan mengamati setiap langkah yang kita ambil.
Mencermati apa yang kita rasakan.

DIA melihat dan selalu menghitung:
Menghitung setiap saat kita mencoba menjaga hati kita setiap kita dicobai.
Menghitung semua rasa syukur yang kita ungkapkan padaNYA, meski di saat yang tersulit sekalipun.
Menghitung seluruh kesabaran sebagaimana kita mencoba memaafkan memaafkan dan memaafkan mereka yang berbuat jahat pada kita
Menghitung kuatnya iman yang kita sandarkan padaNYA, bahwa DIAlah yang akan menjadikan segala sesuatu indah pada waktuNYA

Dan pada waktunya... DIA sendiri yang akan berkata
"Sesungguhnya, pada hari ini kau akan ada bersamaKU di Firdaus"

I Remember...

Recently, I'm thinking a lot about my times in my previous campus, IPPAK. I don't know but the memories keep recalling back.

Starting with my first year there, when I came with all the innocence. I was so naive and I looked life as a white page; all were kind and good.

But then years went by and taught me hard.

I remember when I didn't know who was true and who was fake.

I remember being hurt..., for all of them talked good things in front of me, but said the otherwise behind.

I remember crying..., for they took all my hard works for granted.

I remember being gossiped in the name of friendship..., for they thought that they knew what was best for me (when, actually, they didn't).

I remember losing faith in friends..., for knowing people that were look so innocent and pure could be a backstabber.

I remember being broken..., for knowing that the friendship I thought we had was totally fake.

But I also remember...

I remember standing strong, despite of all the storms above.

I remember trying to be ignorant; not hearing what they said but kept fighting for me and others.

I remember deciding to insist with my own thought, to what I believed was right, even when they were thinking the opposite.

I remember learning from those experiences...

I remember when my heart was full of hatred and I asked God to keep my heart as pure as His, so I wouldn't tired to forgive and forgive.

I remember letting Him to take care of me and believing that He would turn everything into good at His time.

Life hit me down many times, back then.

But I insisted to stand again and again every time I fell, stronger and wiser each time.

I dealt with myself among all all cynicism and jealousy.

I was being hurt but still doing my very best.

Little did I know that every sorrows and bumpy roads I faced has built me stronger each day and made me able to choose my current path.

And, here I am now...

Being in the place I never thought that I would.

God is really there, watching over me along those times :)

Counting every moment when I tried to keep my heart as clean as I could, whenever he gave me the temptation.

Counting every thankfulness I gave Him, even in the middle of difficult times.

Counting every patience I kept as I tried to forgive those who trespassed against me, and did nothing to fight against them.

Counting every faith I put in Him that He's the one who would execute justice to those who are right.

Well, I'm not a saint. My heart wasn't always pure and clean, but I know He knew that I always tried my best.

I know He counted it all along His test and now He granted me the reward :)

Now I look back and smile. Every tears had turned into smile, sorrow into joy, challenge into strength.

No bad memories left, even the worst one had turned into the beautiful one.

I remember crying and now I'm really thankful for every tears I shed because it has built me stronger and helped me flying higher.

I know it doesn't mean that I won't face any storms anymore.... I will!

But in the middle of the worst storm ahead, let me remember:

The difficult moment comes for a reason :)

to build me better and better than yesterday

so I can be a better person in the future, as what I was intended to be.

Choir and Singing

My sister's and my friend's choir was performing today in two different places and I went to both of them. I like their songs and I really enjoyed it.

Seeing their choir made me miss singing in choir again badly.

I used to sing in many choirs, back then in Indonesia.

I'm might not a very good singer, I might not have a very good voice, not even a deep knowledge about music. But I love singing, because there's something about music that can trigger our inner emotion into the connection with Him.

I believe that singing is the way to make me closer with God.

And every time I sing, I feel like I can communicate my feeling and express my gratefulness sincerely.

That's why... the more I sing, the closer my relationship with God is :)

Thanksgiving 2009

Happy Thanksgiving all :D

how's your thanksgiving anyway?

As for me, it was my second thanksgiving experience, since we didn't celebrate thanksgiving in Indonesia.

Last year, I celebrated it with my church's friends with a praise and worship dinner.

This year, instead of celebrating it with them again, I chose to have a potluck with some close friends and my sister 'n brother.

We made a hotpot dinner and cooked the turkey by ourselves! :D

Actually, we didn't prepare at all to cook turkey, but suddenly we wanted to try it.

That's why we did in hurry and kinda forced it to finish on time.

For information, the turkey need to be defrosted for 6 hours and cooked in 3 hours..., but instead we forced it to be done in 4 hours. hahaha...

But amazing, it tasted pretty good actually.

More than we expected :)

And it made us feel really glad.

For sure, next year, we'll gonna cook turkey again with a better preparation :)

Once again, Happy thanksgiving everyone..

Don't forget to give thanks for every bless we got in our lives. And as we remember, how blessed we are, then don't forget to spread the bless to each other life :)

Start from there, we begin to create the better world :)

Smile

:)

For The Late Antonius Puji Nugroho

Dear Aa Anton

It's been a couple years, since you passed away. Well, 3 year for sure, actually.

but... the memories of you still live within.

I remember the day we walked together in IPPAK...

when I used to run towards you to share my stories.

when I used to search for your presence to ask for advice

when I used to work with you for something that we were concern about

Do you know, it just seems like yesterday?

The moment we shared jokes and stories...

All the time we fought our dreams, passions, idealism, and spirituality...

And you were always being the person I trusted the most

The person who lifted my self confidence up that I have lots of talent

The person who told me that I could do whatever I want, as long I keep fighting

The person who taught me about "option for the poor"

The person who made me realize, that God gave me a very beautiful life so I could share it to other.

Back then, discreetly, I made a promise to you

that after we graduated and lived separated by our own, someday I would still run to you

telling you my story and that I would make you proud of me that day

so I would see your wide smile as before

...

Until that day, November 25th 2006

finally you've gone forever...

left all of it unspoken.

Uhhh, I wish I ever told you about all before...

How I do really proud of you

and how I'm so blessed for having you in my life, even just for a while.

and as for now,

I know you're still watching over me from heaven

smiling proudly for what I've done through before and for what I'm still fighting on right now.

Your body might already disappear from this world, but not with your spirit nor memories.

You'll be still living,

in my heart... always.

I miss you, A'a....

Where is naturalism nowadays?

I just did blog walking randomly today and somehow found one fashion blog from Indonesian.

As I went through the blog and saw her pic, my reaction was "erhmmm..."

Why?

Because I thought there's something misplaced, but I didn't know what.

I kept reading and seeing the picture.

She looked really mature there.

Tight sequin dress, studded high heels boot, full make up, model pose, a lot of bangles, statement necklace, and so on...

Bitchy and exaggerate words...

Well, she might has a pretty good sense of fashion actually, but I felt something wrong on her pictures and the way she wrote.

Until I read one sentence and found the fact that...

She's only a junior high school student!!!

Oh God..., what happen with naturalism nowadays?

She's just prettier without all of those stuffs :(

I mean. there will be a time for her to be really care about her appearance.

There will be a time for her to use and wear all of those stuffs someday and dress herself to kill.

There will be a time for her one day to care much about fashion.

But as for her age, isn't she better to play around with her friends?

Isn't she better to use flat shoes or sneakers rather than high heels, so she can walk easily in hurry to do something?

Isn't her natural face pretty enough without a need to be hidden by all make ups?

When I told my thought, my friend said to me that naturalism might have been changed.

It might happen based on the consequences of the industry.

But the person who I saw in the blog is an ordinary person.

Well... even so, no matter what, it's just sad.

It just looks like fashion industry and circumstances nowadays force girls to grow older and maturer than they actually are.

Like it gives the influence to them for preferring something fake, rather than what they really are.

Like it makes girls thinking that beauty comes from outer appearance; from what clothes you wear and what make up you use.

Like it blinds girls to see, how important inner beauty is.

That the beauty actually comes from inside...., from our true personality.

From our bright eyes and sincere smile that reflect our inner heart.

That's what I mean with naturalism.

I must confess that sometimes I do enjoy dressing up. I like to go shopping and buying cute things. Also, sometimes I put make up on my face occasionally.

But that's all...

I don't dress up to show how beautiful I am.

I don't use make up to hide my true face

I don't need to be recognized as a beautiful or cool person

I prefer to my natural being... the way I am.

because I know my beauty emerges from inside... from my inner heart.

Too bad, lots of girl nowadays forget about that...

Even I don't have a right to judge and I know everything is depend of their personal thought

...

But I just don't feel it's right.

It's just right...

For you...

Along these times of my life,

I've fallen in love many many many times

Been in relationship many many times

Broken heart and crying many times

Along these times of my life,

I've ever been blinded by love...

I've ever felt how love made me able to go really far beyond my limit

I've ever felt that I would be willing to sacrifice many thing in the name of love

I've ever felt how I put mask on myself to please the one that I love

I've ever thought that I already found my soulmate

I've ever thought that all my prayers had been answered on one person

I've ever felt deeply and crazily falling in love at first, then vanished day by day...

But with you...

Not even one from all lines above exist.

With you, it doesn't feel like an answer to my prayers and hopes from up above

With you, it's not just like a dream come true

I won't say that I'm crazily in love with you

I won't say such a romantic thing that you're always on my mind

nor such a phrase that you're brightening my life

I won't say that you're the reason I believe in love

not even say a swear to promise you until the end of my life

In simply way...

I won't use such metaphors to express what I feel

Because with you...

It's more than a word like "love" or "soulmate".

As for now, if I have to describe your existence on my life with one word,

If I have to conclude what I feel in one word,

With you, it just feels ...

... right :)

As simple as that :)

2012

I just watched 2012 tonight; a good film with a pretty good tension building on it.

The length of the film itself is about 2 hours and 48 minutes, quite long, eh? But actually I almost didn't realize, because the story took my attention away.

Anyway... Watching this movie turned me into thinking:

If we were on their position...

If we had to see the world collapses on our own eyes

If we had to see the building blows out and people die one by one

If we had to see people scream and run away crazily and frustrated

If we had to see people losing their humanity, sacrifice others in order to save themselves

If we had to see our loved ones couldn't survive

...

What would we do then?

What would we do, if we knew that today was our last day on this earth?

What would we do, if we knew our life would end up soon?

What would we do to spend our last time? Our last breath and our last minute?

...

Would we go to rush ourselves, trying our best to save ourselves even we have to sacrifice other?

or trying our best to save our loved ones even we have to sacrifice ourselves?

Would we go to cry and scream out load around?

Would we blame the government for couldn't save us?

or indeed, blame God for giving us such a hurtful way to die?

Would we be scared?

...

Those thought has been repeated again and again on my head.

What would I do? How would I spend it?

...

I don't know for sure actually...

But if I try to place myself on that kind of situation and try to feel it...

If today was my last day to breath and to be spent on this earth

and there was no other way to survive; not for me and not even for my loved ones

Definitely I wouldn't spend my last minutes to worry and cry loudly

not even to rush around and blame God for everything...

Instead...

I wanted to spend my last minutes with them, the most important person in my life: my family, my best friends, my special person...

I would call them who were far from me and tell them how special they are on my life

Saying thank you for giving such a beautiful color in my life, making it more meaningful.

I would gather with them that near me, reaching and holding their hand...

Feeling their warm skin on my hand and treasure it.

I would hug and kiss them dearly, whisper softly into they ears how much I love them and how much I have been blessed along these times for having them in my life.

Then I would take times to sit on silence.

I would my a cross, close my eyes and bow my head...

Sending my deeply prayer to God, to Him that has created me and the whole world indeed.

to Him that has been there since the world was made...

Giving him thanks for everything... for all the bless He gave me since the day I was born.

For giving me a chance to live my life with my loved ones, no matter even it was for only a while for some person; it's all such precious moments that worth all my life.

For granting me chances to meet many special people that helping me grow wiser and older, so I could be a better person day by day.

For blessing and surrounding me with tons of love and care from people around, so I could live my life with smile on my face.

And I would say, that if today was my last day... I would still be grateful, because I've spent this 24 year of my life beautifully. I wouldn't regret every single day of it.

Further more, I would asking him for strength and forgiveness...

Strength to stick on Him at the last time of my being.

Strength to keep my faith on Him until my last breath I would take.

Strength to say "Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from me; nevertheless, not what I want, but as You will and desire"

...

Forgiveness, for I couldn't be a very good people along these years

Forgiveness, for I use to live my life as the way I want, don't really care about Him

Forgiveness, for all the sins I've made... consciously or not

Forgiveness, for I use to hurt other people's heart and feeling...

For times I become egoistic, for my laziness on going to church and meet Him, for breaking many rules, for times I forgot about Him and busy with my own life, for times I didn't give Him thanks for all bless He gave me...

Forgiveness,... simply for everything; I can't count it one by one...

Because there are too much to be counted.

After that, I would open my eyes, shed the tears that definitely would run though my face.

Then I would back to my loved ones, holding hand by hand with them...

and when my times was come, I would smile and whisper for Him to take me with Him.

That what I would I do probably...

How's about you? :)

Cheers, dear friends

God bless you :)

Random unimportant thing

Random unimportant post today :D Just daily story.

Mmmm, where should I start?

Yesterday.

I did my second multi camera field production project, with me as the only girl again. Hehehe...

It was band performances at one pub in downtown Seattle, the Crocodile. As we did two bands, so I was assigned to be a technical director again and a cameraman.

The stage of The Crocodile

The good news is... it was my teacher who directed yesterday, so I had a chance to assist him and learned how to give a direction right next to him. And what made me glad, after the first show finished, he patted me and said "Good job, Sara"

Yeaaaaaaay.... I was soooooooo happy :D

Then for the second show, he assigned me to do the shooting. I was pretty satisfied too with my work. Despite of mistakes I did because I couldn't hear clearly the direction because there was too loud there, I think I made a good composition on my shots :)

Even I was really tired, as the show kept going after the midnight, but I did feel satisfied :)

Really love my job! :)

Look really exhausted, I guess...

Today.

Slept for 12 hours, too tired after the show last night. Then since desperately I need a break from my daily routine, I decided to go to one mall here in Seattle, . So I took a bath and spent quite long time to do my "after bath", choose my wardrobe for today, and put a little make up on my face ;)

Definitely, like girl activities in common (what I rarely did) :D

Didn't do much at mall actually, just walking around the store. Trying a couple things, but instead of buying clothes, I bought a lot of candies and chocolates :p

Trying knit hat from H&M

from Sweet Factory

Hehehe...

Well, that's all I guess :D

I want to enjoy my weekends, before I need to start the next exhausted weekdays ahead :)

If somehow you read my blog, whoever you are...

I wish you a nice and great day :)

Good luck for everything you do and don't forget to smile for others ya.

God bless you :)

Little story about Mas Oyiek

Today I was having a little chat with another good friend in Yogya, Arief Hartawan a.k.a Mas Oyiek, a professional video editor. I knew him from one mac forum about a year ago, but apparently at that time I never had a chance to know him closer.

To be frank, a year ago I had a low self esteem every time I talked with him. He's a very talented people, while I was just a newbie on editing and stuff. Simply I felt so little and didn't have any confidence to talk with him. So, I just called him at ym only if I needed his help and didn't try to get closer.

But it was before I met him again on my summer breaks in Yogya, last June-August and got a chance to do some work with him, which made us had to spend some time together.

Fortunately, it gave me a chance also to know him better than before. Then, as time goes by, I found that he was a really good friend not only to work with, but also to talk and spend time together.

As a person, he amazed me day by day. He isn't being limited by the circumstances around, yet he's always exploring new things alone. Won't be a surprise at all if he know almost everything.

Below is his project about one famous place in Yogya, Malioboro Street with me as the host.

believe it or not, he made the whole production only by his little canon ixus!

Now he already become one of a couple person that I respect so much. Just too bad that I got a chance to know him closer just when I was gonna leave soon, so it was only a little time left to learn many thing from him.

However, at least I got those chance :)

And before I left, he sent me a text message, asked me to fight for my dream here in Seattle for his part.

"Titip mimpi-mimpiku di sana ya."

Let me tell you one little secret now :)

Discreetly, now he is one of my role model too. Those last sentence before I went become my motivation to work and fight harder than before; knowing that a very talented people like him trust me that much.

Yeah, now every time I felt down here, I remember not giving up, because I want to learn as much as I can here for his part too.

So someday I can go back home and share him things that I learned.

I mean, look!!! He's a very talented people, but instead I'm the one who so damn lucky and blessed for having a chance to study aboard :(

So, I would be soooooooo much embarrassed by myself if I couldn't do that someday!!!

Today, we had a little chat and I was so grateful by reading what he wrote.

Even I knew... not yet. He's the one who is a very great director and editor; I'm not.... Not yet.

but I know... as long I keep fighting my best, someday I will :)

I'm looking forward to that day.

And at that time, I do really want to work with him :)

And if somehow you read this, Mas Oyiek. I just want to say thanks for everything.

It's such a bless to know you :)

Birthday Wishes for The Little Sunshine

For Abigail Gracielle Hopper...

picture by Bee

Happy first birthday, dear little Sunshine...

I never meet you in person, but since the first time I saw you, I've been attracted by your bright eyes and innocent smile.

I do wish that you'll keep it always as you grow up each year.

I'm sure that you will, because you have a very great father and mother.

I know they will teach and built you right, that's why I almost can't wait to see how you turn into an amazing woman in the future.

But as for now..., i wish you all the love and happiness in the world and I send you my prayer.

Keep shining your light into your family. Be a guardian angel for your parents, specially for your father.

So if someday he get lost on his way, he'll always know his way back home to you.

God loves you, little Abby..., so do your parents and all the people around you.

Time Flies

Yesterday was a first birthday of the baby of my good friend.

I almost couldn't believe, that it's been a year already since that little sunshine was born.

It still feel like yesterday when I heard the news and congratulated her father with all the best wishes.

Time really flies without I even realize :)

And that point turned me into thinking...

Funny, eh? Don't you think so?

It's just funny to see how time flied fast and suddenly a year has passed already.

Many thing has happened, things started and another things ended...

People came and went away, left their footprints on my life and changed me little by little.

Surrounded by a nostalgic feeling, I remember my old friendster page, which I never opened it again since a long time ago.

Yeah, it felt like a nostalgia, because a year ago, I still used my Friendster page... and not so long after my friend's baby was born, I made my facebook account and left Friendster untouched anymore.

So I thought, there was no place better than Friendster to see the old "me" a year ago.

Then I opened it again, looking back to those phase of my life... Trying to see me myself a year ago in all my blog written, comment, and also picture.

And I was speechless...

Yeah, I got really surprised by seeing all of those. It turned become another prove how time could do so much and changed a lot of things within a year.

I've changed a lot.

Not in a bad point, I guess...

I mean... the "inner" side of me still remain the same...

But when I compared myself now to the old me, I could see how my world seemed getting wider in one year time being.

The way I thought and feel has been different than before, and also the way I look.

Moreover..., I could see, a year ago... I was still pretend to be a so-called-innocent person; a catholic teacher in high school and seminary, choir conductor, and really a typical of church person. I was so naive and lived on my comfort zone.

But within a year, I left my comfort zone and become stronger and more realistic in life. I've revealed the rebel and flirtatious side of me and I tried to leave the innocent mask of me. Slowly, I begin to take myself the way I am, not only in good side but also in my not-so-good side, and count it all as a blessing in my life.

Well... Life goes on, I guess :)

Now I'm pretty excited to see where life will take me to this year and what kind of person I will be in another one year after.

And I still believe, as long as I walk through every happiness and sadness, joyful and sorrowful time... Everything will turn into good at the right time :)

Halloween 2009

Last night, I went to Halloween party with my church friend. Actually, it was my first time celebrating halloween, since we don't celebrate halloween in Indonesia. I was pretty excited to dress up... and I chose to dress up as a naughty nun; with only a short skirt and transparent tights. And since I dressed up as a nun, my boyfriend chose to dress as a priest. Isn't it sweet? ... or sinful?

Hahaha...

a naughty nun with a priest :p

Yes, I did enjoy the party, specially the dressing up part, since I don't have much time and event to dress up, put make up on my face and use high hells (because of my job... I've explained it on my previous post).

You can see the rest of the picture here.

with Bangladesh girl and fairy

Moreover, by dressing as a naughty nun, it gave me another excitement :p

Why?

Because back then, I was a catholic teacher. I've spent four and half years of my life by studying about catholic religion among nuns and priests.

So it's kinda fun to make fun about it a little bit, to give another color to those memories :)

this pic reminds me that somebody ever called me before, that I have killer eyes :)

Well... it doesn't mean that I don't respect them (nun and priest). I know how hard it is for them to get their uniform; it's a very long way to go before finally you can say your vow in front of the altar.

I've witnessed, since I have a lot of nun and priest friend :) and I love them so much :)

And if I still chose to dress up like a naughty nun, it was more because...

I don't like to be ruled by a dogma or people opinion :)

Because I think I'm a good and nice girl, with a spark of stubborn and rebel inside :p

MultiCamera Production Today

Yeayyy... I've done with my first multi camera production project :D Tonight, me and friends went to Triple Door Theatre to shoot a live stage performance there: Viva Oz Vegas.

Quite interesting and nice play actually.

Those pictures were taken by my friend, Paul Turcott

We got our crew call on 3 pm at campus cage, then walked down the street around 10 minutes to get there. Need a couple hours to set all the equipment and cables, including 2 panasonic dvcpro, 1 sony hd, switcher, etc. My teacher signed me to be a technical director today. So basically I was responsible to manually switch video sources, perform live edits and overlay titles as ordered by the director.

It was fun!

My teacher, Dan Fabrizio. Next to him was Dusty, the Program Director.

I was the little blurry image, right in front the monitor

The switcher I operated tonight, we called it "big blue"

After the show finished, we need to pack up all the equipment in hurry and brought back to the car before the next show started. Kinda hectic, but I did really enjoy my job and the performance itself.

Oh ya... I was the only girl again on the production team :D So simply said, I was surrounded by boys :)) My teacher asked me and wondered, why it often happened like that?

I don't know why actually...

But maybe the reason is because there's not much girl who involves at this field in term of being the person behind the scene. It takes a lot of works and responsibilities; we have to carry all the heavy equipment and set it up by ourself, walk around to make sure it works properly, put ourself on the tight schedule and hectic never ending work, and sooooo on.

As for me as a girl, it mean I have to work hard... and just forget about the idea to dress up like girls in common: wear the cute wardrobe, pretty make up and high heels :p

Just as what happened tonight at the show. There were a lot of beautiful girls around me, dressed up with a pretty dress with make ups on their face. They sat nicely and had their fine dinner with a pricey food and a glass of margarita/wine/etc, while I was in simply shirt and converse kets, carried all the stuff and cable, did my work.

But I love it thou' :D

I love the hectic schedule on my production days... I do enjoy when I have to carry all the heavy equipment, even it means lot of sweats on me.

I do enjoy the satisfy feeling after the project is done, even it means tiredness :)

and most of all.... I do proud to myself, as I know that I don't only have a pretty face, but also a brain and spirit to work hard :D

And for me.... those feeling is priceless :)

English Composition Class

Today I supposed to do my homeworks for english composition class at library but I wasn't motivated at all and so ended up doing unimportant thing :p

like taking a so-called-cute picture with my boyfriend :p

I don't know if I'm able to finish all those homeworks before monday. The teacher gave me a lot of things to do; more than any other class.

Kinda funny, since I'm an video student and english is only a general class... why the task of general class is more overwhelming than my video class?

Only God knows, how much I hate that class :'(

Well, actually I love writing and I'm pretty good on writing in Indonesia. I can compose a very nice, powerful, yet beautiful sentence.

But when it comes to English....

Hhhh... I admit, my grammar and structure are very poor.

Uhhhh, Sara!!!!

You don't usually let a negative feeling take over you... and it's not the way you suppose to write on this blog. You want to be a light, not a shadow!

Cheer up Saraaaaaa!!! You CAN do that!

^

*trying to cheer up myself actually*

Hehehe...

So anyway, I just want to say.. if you somehow come to my blog and read this horrible English... Just please excuse my language :(

I write this blog on English because I need to use it often so I can get better soon.

By the way... I'll go shooting tomorrow for my class project:D It's a multi camera production for a show in downtown. I'm kinda excited actually :)

I really love this field and I wonder when will the time come for me to really work on as a professional videographer? :)