A Thing that Worth Fighting For

Beside a natural flirter, I'm also a natural fighter, apparently :)

Once I find something that worth fighting for, I won't stop until I get it.

No matter what it will take, no matter what it will cost.

I guess it applies in love, as well ;)

...

Been knowing him for almost 2 years, but never really talked before.

Until one night after my #AussieTrip 3 months ago, casually I sent him an ordinary Happy Easter message, which somehow led us into a bbm chat for hours and hours.

We stopped only because we had to sleep, and later the next day, it continued...

Day by day.

I had nothing in mind, but I felt he was a good friend to talk about everything.

Can you imagine, we could talk randomly from life, spirituality, naughty things, sex, God and religion at the same time.

The conversation that night finally led us into a scheduled beer talk later one day.

A beer talk that worth each second :)

Since then, I felt closer to him... but never thought about the possibility of being more than friends.

I knew he had a fiancee already, and I just recovered from my broken heart phase.

I was too tired about starting a new story afterall.

Having a good friend to talk about everything was more than enough.

But, apparently somewhere in my deepest heart kept telling me

"hey, I think, he's for you, Sara."

Immediately I rejected that thought...

"for me? Are you kidding me? He already has a fiancee, tolol!"

I kept rejecting that idea even we were getting closer day by day...

Even I guess I got attracted to him already.

But as I listened to his story, I just couldn't help thinking,

"Is he happy with her? If he isn't, why should he wasted his time with a person that couldn't appreciate him well? while I guess, I could treat him better?"

Started from then, I questioned my heart, should I fight for it?

Should I put myself as a third person in someone's relationship again?

Blon kapok, Sar? :p

Shouldn't I be afraid about what other people think about me if they knew?

Shouldn't I tired being a secret in front of anyone else?

Shouldn't I tired to be put aside after somebody else's sake?

There were times I almost gave up completely...

Battling with my thought, my worries, and reality.

Then I thought and I told myself

Hey, doesn't a girl named Sara Lea Tunas never give up before she fight her best?

Hey, isn't it my right to fight and give him another option, while it's his right to refuse?

Hey, about what other people think, preketekkk... I never care about it since before anyway

Hey, maybe it'll hurt, but aren't I already get used with this kind of pain?

So yah... there I fought my best...

And surrendered...

What would be, let it be... I was only giving him an option...

But if at the end he chose the otherwise, what could I say...

There I would give up.

Seriously, I just wanted seeing him happy... That's all I wished for

He just deserve to be loved....

Along the way...

Sometimes it was hurt... Sometimes it numbed me from inside...

Sometimes I cried... Sometimes I considered about give up and walked away...

Sometimes I got angry with myself, why again I put myself into another mess like these?

But the very end I almost gave up, these little voice inside whispered me...

"Endure it a little more... just endure it a bit more"

"ya ollooooh, berjuang Sar! fiancee doaaang, janur kuning belon melengkung woyy. Masih ada kesempatan berjuang! Biasanya kamu udah no hope sama suami orang je" xD

"I guess, dia buat kamu kok, Sar..."

For a moment in time, Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not The One was my soundtrack of life.

Hahahaha :))

"I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?"

Yes, this might sound silly...

But somehow I knew I did the right thing to keep fighting

despite what other people might think :)

And I believed if it's fate, there would be a way.

If it's not, then I would just let go... as always, as before.

And long story short, after all of dramas along the way...

After tears and bleeding heart...

Here we are :)

Again, it's not a sweet fairy tale...

This just a story, about two people that already too tired of dramas and broken heated

About two people that really want to be together in a good way.

There's no such a happily ever after.

It was tough from the start, and there will be another tough times, I know.

But I've fought for it, and I'll keep fighting for it.

Because I know, he is one thing in life that worth fighting for :)