Once Again, I Proved It to Myself

And so... I'm done with spring quarter 2010 :D :D

To be honest, I got some hard times within these 3 months. Not about circumstances actually, but more about myself. There were a time, when my fighting spirit somehow was getting darkened for a moment and I spent days just as the way it is. I did the project without passion like what I used to be. I did all stuff I made only for the sake of turning it on the due time.

Good thing, it turns normal already. My passion and fighting spirit is coming back to me, and with it inside on me... I'm ready to face my upcoming project this July.

Anyway... this spring quarter, i was taking 4 classes. The most interesting and memorable one is Principal of 3D Modeling class. Actually, that's the basic class for animation/game art student, I took it because it was offered for film student as an elective class.

Since the beginning, I have an interest in 3D... My bf is an animation and game student, and he's really good in 3D modeling. I used to see he worked on 3D software and it looks fun and interesting.

Moreover, afterall... I'm a typical of people who loves to learn a new different stuff :)

So, at first I was really excited on that class... I put a LOT of effort to understand it, and I wanted to proof myself that I COULD make a good 3D, even I'm not an animation student. I wanted to show that although I'm a film student, I still wouldn't lose to the rest of the class.

I put a lot of hard works at the first couple week... I worked overnight for the assignment the teacher gave me and tried to go beyond what she asked to do.

Have to say, i was really proud of my first couple works.

week 1 assignment: Modeling a cellphone

week 2 assignment: modeling a dining room

with spoon, pork, knife, bowl, and plate detail

week 4 assignment: modeling plane

I know all above is look so "cupu" (I can't find a right word in English), but for the newbie in 3D modeling, I was really proud of myself that I could make stuff like that in the first couple weeks.

But in the middle of quarter, when I checked my mid-grade... I was really shock that I only got C- for that class. I really pissed off with her. At first, for me, her reason was kinda nonsense. How come I got such a low grade for the thing I worked beyond the average, although I missed a couple of detail on it. C'mon... I was still a beginner in 3D.

Couldn't she see that I put a lot of effort?

Couldn't she realize how I tried to go beyond what she asked?

Got really pissed off and for a week or two after that, i didn't want to put much effort anymore. I did the assignment exactly as what she said, I didn't experiment or think to make the project above the average anymore.

But at the week 8, she assigned us to make a boat, not with polygon but with NURBS (Maya software term). At first, i only wanted to model a simple little sailboat, so it would be really easy. But something inside of me kept telling me...

"are you sure you'll be satisfied only with the average thing?"

"are you sure that you'll be fine only with something that everybody can make easily"

"are you sure you don't want to prove at least for yourself, that you can do better?"

"are you sure that you don't want to show yourself, that although you are film student, you can beat those animation student if you work really hard"

I kept ignoring it for a while, telling myself that it was useless to put such a big effort for the teacher that couldn't appreciate it.

But at the end, I was like "arrgghhh... like I care, let's make the hardest one that I could find! Who cares if she doesn't appreciate it??? At least I KNOW that I CAN MAKE BEYOND AVERAGE"

So I browsed the boat picture and came with army boat.

Lot of detail and was really hard. But every time I thought to change it into something easier, my self-pride said "NO WAY!!!"

And I made it, I did the the best that I can... I put every detail as much as I can and turned it into her inbox.

I even didn't care about the grade. I was pretty satisfied that finally I made it done for my own sake.

The teacher didn't say anything about it too, we moved to final project. I decided to make a 3D interior of a boutique.

Lot of detail as always, and I took it as a challenge to myself.

A couple days ago, when I showed it to her, we had a little chat and for the first time she knew that I'm not an animation/game but film student. She was really surprised and said "What?? No way! Why? Why aren't you in animation??? You're really good on it"

and at that time... I smiled

And the smile was getting wider while I got her email this afternoon

It made my day definitely :)

I'm glad that I didn't give up at the first place. I'm glad that I still worked my best and I'm glad that I can show my best.

once again, i proved it to myself, that as long I give and fight my best, there's no star out of reach :)

"I see great things in your future!"

Thank you for believing me :D I will keep fighting to make it come true.... so one day, all of us can look back to this day and say "See? Told you so!"

Gonna fight hard for that :)

Hawai'i Getaway

About two weeks ago, I got a chance to visit Hawai'i :D That was my first time actually, that's why I was soooooooooo excited!!!

Recently, I got a really hectic schedule with never ending school homework, the Indonesian Youth Catholic Community for Seattle area, and the preparation for my project in Indonesia this summer. All of them kinda made me like zombie on these past few weeks. You know, it was like... woke up in the morning, went to school, did the project, did the homework, emailed and called here and there regarding the community thing, did the school project, and then the night came already so I went to sleep... And the circle repeated again and again the next day and the day after next, and so on.

It's good to have a little getaway.... :)

Spent 3 days on Hawai'i without thinking about anything about my daily routine. Just having fun! :)

What I was eating...

Mix Mocchi Balls

Oxtail Ramen

Pig Lau Lau

Lomi Salmon

Cold Noodle

Sakura Mocchi

Lemon Pepper Shrimp

Puka Dog

Pineapple float (Pineapple ice cream and pineapple juice)

Pork Katsu and Kimchi Curry

Shave Ice

Gyukaku

Where I was going...

Kamehameha Statue

Hanauma Bay - Snorkeling time

After the snorkeling

Waikiki Beach


Dole Plantation


On the Maze

Pearl Harbor

Nuuanu Pali

Two Rainbows at the end of our journey :)

There's some of it... but apparently I have 600ish picture during those 3 days. You can find some of them here.

Ahhhh... that was such a great getaway... I feel really fresh after that :D

*anyway... currently I'm thinking to change my blog layout, but not sure how to make it. So I just download a free blog template for it. But not satisfied yet :(

Mudika Seattle Retreat 2010: God is My Search Engine

"Patient Trust"
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Above all, trust in the slow work of God
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time

And so I think it is with you.
your ideas mature gradually-let them grow
let them shape themselves, without undue hast.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A brief quotation from "Letters to Young Poets"
Ranier Maria Rilke

Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves.

Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you,
because you would not be able to live them-
and the point is to live everything.

Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will gradually,
without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John 16:12-14

Jesus said to his disciples:
"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.
But when he comes, the Spirit of truth,
he will guide you to all truth.
He will not speak on his own,
but he will speak what he hears,
and will declare to you the things that are coming."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No rush, Sara!" I could hear YOU said so to me.
"Though it might seem like you are on the lowest path of life. Though it might seem like you are walking on a never ending dark tunnel, without any sign of light.
Though it might seem that there's no way...
No need to worry, trust ME that I know what's best for you!
Keep walking, keep fighting, keep doing your best for you and others... and soon you'll get there.
There's a time for everything!
You need to experience the SUFFERING, before you know what JOY is.
You need to walk on ANXIETY in order to understand FAITH
You need to fight your best, so you will understand what the meaning of process is
and you need to fall down, so you will realize....
I'm always here for you"

I heard YOU, whispered it softly to my heart..
So God... Stand beside me during the process of living the question.
Remind me not to ask why and seek for the answer
Help me to remember that one day at the right time, YOU will reveal the answer to me.
Lead me through the way always and I know...
Soon I'll be there.

Lazy F Camp- Ellensberg
28-30 May 2010

Karena Tuhan Tahu

Banyak orang bilang, a adalah orang yang sangat beruntung...
Tuhan ngasih a berkat yang luar biasa berlimpah.

Lahir di keluarga yang memiliki materi yang cukup, orang tua yang baik dan mendukung, dibesarkan dalam cinta dan bungkusan lembut kasih sayang yang memampukan a untuk tumbuh dalam senyuman.
Ditambah kesempatan luas untuk mengembangkan diri, fisik yang sehat dan tahan banting, semangat yang tinggi untuk maju, kecerdasan yang cukup bisa diandalkan, kemampuan adaptasi dan bersosialisasi ke semua lapisan dan golongan...
dan seterusnya..
Terlalu banyak, a bahkan ga sanggup untuk menghitung semua berkat luar biasa itu.
Terlalu banyak, lebih daripada apa yang mampu a sadari
Lebih daripada apa yang sanggup a harapkan.

Banyak orang bilang, a adalah orang yang sangat beruntung...
Dan a juga bilang, ya... a adalah orang yang sangat beruntung!
Tuhan ngasih a karunia hidup lebih daripada apa yang sanggup a minta.

Dan ada suara-suara mulai bertanya, kenapa harus a yang demikian beruntung?
Kenapa harus a yang berada di posisi ini?

Kenapa bukan mereka?
Dan a sendiripun mempertanyakan,
"Tuhan, kenapa a? Kenapa a yang Kau berikan berkat yang luar biasa tak terkira ini?"
"A ini siapa, Gusti? A bukan malaikat... bukan orang suci. Kenapa a yang Kau berkati dengan karunia dan kesempatan seluar biasa ini?"

Hari ini, jawaban itu muncul di depan mata a :)
Kenapa Tuhan ngasih a berkat yang luar biasa tidak terkira ini?
Kenapa a?
...
Karena Tuhan tahu, di tangan a, berkat ini akan terus mengalir untuk orang lain.
Karena Tuhan tahu, di tangan a, berkat ini ga akan berhenti hanya untuk a nikmati seorang diri
Karena Tuhan tahu, di tangan a, berkat ini akan berlipat ganda untuk dibagikan kepada orang lain yang membutuhkan.
Karena Tuhan tahu, di tangan a, berkat ini ga akan menjadi percuma.

Karena Tuhan tahu, a akan berjuang sekuat tenaga untuk itu
Karena Tuhan tahu, perjuangan itu ga akan pernah berhenti :)

A beruntung, a diberkati...
Karena Tuhan tahu, orang lain akan juga ikut menikmati peruntungan dan berkat itu
Karena Tuhan tahu, dengan penuh kerendahan hati, a rela berjalan di jalan salib-Nya dan menjadi bagian karya keselamatan-Nya.

Tuhan memberikan berkat-Nya sebagai bagian karya agung-Nya
Tidak ada yang percuma, tidak ada yang akan tersia-sia.

Dan kalau kamu pun merasa beruntung, merasa diberkati...
Itu karena Tuhan tahu, berkat-Nya juga akan terus mengalir untuk orang lain di sekitarmu.
Maka... jangan berhenti :)

Am I Too Naive?

Am I too naive, that after all, I'm prefer helping other rather than making money?

Years ago, I said to myself that my purpose in life is serving others, helping others.

And I also said, I believed, God will make a way for me.... that I didn't need to worry about income, because as long as I used my life for others, He himself would make a way for me for living.

HE already granted my wish...

But I refused it.

Because about two years ago, I said to myself.... I wanted to fight for my own life. I wanted to fight with my own talent and my hard work for living. I wanted still helping others, but still making money from my work. Let's said that I could help other on my spare time, in the middle of my real job. I could making money, yet still helping others.

But tonight, one thought hit me, straight to my head and heart. It's said that... after all, I'm still prefer helping other rather than making money. I want to use my talent and my work to serve others... to help others.

My deepest desire still remains the same... rather than being successful and being well-known among others, rather than making money for living, I want to devoted my time for others.

I want to be there for people who need my talent. I want to use my talent and my work to help others in need, without they need to think about how much budget to pay me. I want to be there and ready for they call, without they have to think about budged wise.

Even it means I have to work for free, actually I don't really mind.

Am I too naive to say so?

It seems impossible now... But deep inside, I want to keep this little faith, that God will still make a way for me.

It seems impossible now... But I want to keep my faith, He will work on HIS own unbelievable way.

It seems impossible now... But I want to believe, He will take care of me as long I have a good purpose towards others, not myself.

He will make a way, when there's no way. Oh God, give me enough faith to believe it.

What is your definition of success?

I bet all of us have our own different answer for that.

The most common answers are:

"Success means I get a great and prestigious job and make a LOT of money"

or

"If I have the most beautiful/ handsome girl/boyfriend"

or

"If I have a big house with plenty of maids to help, a wife to take care of me, and children that I can be proud of"

or

"If I win in a big competition in the first place"

or

"If I become famous among others"

Then some people who can think more deeply might answer:

"I consider myself successful if If I can make my parents proud of me"

or

"Success for me is seeing my loved ones smile and happy"

...

But for me, all the answers above are NOT my definition of success :)

Definitely.

No no no.... it doesn't mean that I don't want all of above.

Frankly, I still desire it on my own.

But... it just not what I aim the most in life.

For me, what I can success is:

if somehow my presence in life becomes a blessing for others

if somehow my presence in life has made someone's life become easier :)

Like today, in the middle of my boring science class, I got a Boxcar notification that somebody mentioned my name in twitter. I checked it.

Emelly, one of my choir friend when I was still in Bogor, sent me a twit. She said, she planned to write a blog post about me because after all I was one of her biggest inspiration.

After I read that, I was like... WHAT???

I couldn't stop smiling, blushing, and flattered at the same time.

A simple sentence had definitely made my day.

Later at night, I read her post... and long story short, she wrote about her current feeling and how my experience back then reminded her to keep being thankful about what she's already got in life.

After I read that, I just didn't know how to express what I felt. A feeling of grateful and thankfulness rushed out from my heart and almost bursted me into tears.

And I bowed my head down and discreetly said a prayer... to God Himself...

And said "thank you"

This is such a priceless moment.

This little feeling definitely can't be traded with anything else....

Forget the glorious fame, put aside the glamorous joy that money and pride can bring.

Knowing that somehow my life has touched another life.... it's one of the miracle that God has created in life.

I'm no one... I'm just nobody... I never do something really big and good...

But yet, somehow the way I live has helped somebody to live better than before.

If it wasn't a miracle, I don't know what I should name it.

Having a lot of money? Having a prestigious job? Being famous and well-known among others?

There're totally NOTHING compare to this.

Thank you God...

For making me able to feel this way.

For me... this is what I call true success in life :)

And I know this can't be happened without Your interference in my life.

So thank you :)

Good News

Just heard a news... that I got a job offer for this summer again!!! :)

Can't stop smilling :D