Lately...

Under the circumstances and pressures around me these last few weeks (final project and another work to do),

Lately I feel like I'm in the middle of emotional battle, where it's going up and down.

Sometimes I feel so strong and brave enough to face everything that come my way, but suddenly in a couple seconds, it can turn into a weakness.

I think, I might be on my "quarter life crisis" now. I'm questioning myself, my ability, and my talent. I'm comparing myself to my friends and wondering how could they be so talented?

I feel like just an ordinary people... I feel I'm not creative enough on my field...

I feel nothing compare to all people around me...

I'm worry myself that I can't fulfill the expectation from the people who believe in me...

and much more else....

Yeah.... I know I might think too much. That's why I've been fighting off these feelings. I battle hard to keep my mind and my spirit on the positive side. I pray... I give it to God, I cheer up myself, I reflect... I do everything I can for not falling down.

It's a tough battle with myself and sometimes I feel like I'm quite tired...

Sound so cliche but if you ever felt how it feels when your spirit is going up and down, you would know how energy consuming it is. 

and now... yes... I'm quite tired.

For a couple times, I've been thinking if it will be easier for me if I end this battle and let those pessimistic feeling rushes into my heart. it seems easier for going with the negative flow surround me, rather than battle hard to keep myself on the positive side of thinking.

because the battle haven't finished yet...

See... even I battle myself so hard for not giving up.

I'm tired... but I know I have to keep on going.

I've seen enough people complain and complain about their life but do nothing about it.

I've seen enough people dream high but they are afraid to fight for it because they know it will never be easy.

I've seen enough...

and I just pray... God... please just don't let me be a part of them...and grant me enough faith and strength.

Strength... for not giving up... for keep on going even in the hardest  situation around.

Faith.... to know that I never walk around but with YOU guiding me in every single of my path with YOUR own way.

This is a very bumpy road ahead...

I'm not able to see why YOU lead me there and where this road will take me too at the end.

But I know that YOU will make everything into good at YOUR time.

My humanity isn't able to see.... but I do trust YOU that someday I'll be thankful for all the tears I drop by and all the sigh I throw out today.

So... i write this on now...

For reminding me later after I've reached the end of the road and been able to see how great Your way for me...

that every single tears... every single sigh... every single second I spend on keep fighting on...

That's all worth it :)

I'll wait sincerely...

and I won't give up.