images are from here
What will be happen when a star, that used to show the lost soul their way back home, suddenly lost its shine and get lost?
That's the question that has been haunting me since the beginning of this year.
I hate to admit, but yet I'm currently messed up.
Somehow, I've been lost and don't know which direction I'm running to.
It feels like I've been exhausted mentally... I keep asking myself "Do you know where are you going to, Sara?"
People said "Run if you can, walk if you must, crawl if you have to. Just don't stop!"
I know I've been running the whole time, I rarely did walk or crawl.
Inside of me, there's tons of bright positive energy awaits to be shared to other. There's a strong will that drive me to do my best in everything I do. There's a spirit that makes me able to make something impossible become possible.
People who knows me well, know what kind of girl I am.
People who knows me well, know how I always smile sincerely to others and emits positive energy to my surrounding
People who knows me well, know how I pray to be the light that shines in the darkness and how I fight to make it true.
But right now, somehow I can't run... Neither even walk.
Somehow I feel exhausted and overwhelmed by random things.
The usual spirit inside somehow defected and I couldn't be the usual me that I used to be.
It's been happening since the beginning of this year,
yet at first I kept telling myself that I have to keep on running, at least walking.
I kept forcing myself to win this battle on my own.
I kept telling myself, I'm a strong girl....
Stronger that anybody could imagine. So I had to stand strong still.
I was lost but I kept insisting to shine to other people
And at the end, it just caused me lost more further and deeper.
images are from here
At one point, when it was more than what I could bear of.... I surrendered.
I cried for help to my dearest and closest people of mine....
I began to fall and broken, yet they reached out my hand and pulled me back...
I told them, I'm lost... I told them, I couldn't run anymore or even walk, even hardly crawl.
I'm scared to be blamed, I'm afraid to be judged
Yet, they all said the same thing...
"You need rest. It's fine. You've been so strong. You've been fighting your best along these time.
You've been putting other people first, more than yourself.
Even a hero has the right to be bleed.
Stop running. It's fine... It doesn't mean you give up.
Go retreat for a while and search within."
I cried...
I've been running and fighting my best. I always thought I'd need to always do so...
In order to be loved, in order to be accepted.
I'm exhausted but was afraid to left behind. I'm lost but was afraid to be judged.
I'm overwhelmed but was pretending to be strong and fine.
Little did I know, it just made all situation worser...
It filled me up inside with crankiness and negative emotion.
I lost even more...
But then I know I'm still loved, I'm still accepted. As the way I am.
I'm weak but dear, I'm crying but yet still dear.
It's fine like that, then it will be fine.
People who are dear to me understand, then the rest opinion, who cares?
images are from here
I'm lost right now and I admit it.
But I know I'll be fine....
Therefore, to those I ever sparked my light to...
To those I ever showed your way back home and helped you shine once again...
Would you like to spark a bit of your light to me now?
This time, I think it's me that need a guiding light :)
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