Once Again, I Proved It to Myself

And so... I'm done with spring quarter 2010 :D :D

To be honest, I got some hard times within these 3 months. Not about circumstances actually, but more about myself. There were a time, when my fighting spirit somehow was getting darkened for a moment and I spent days just as the way it is. I did the project without passion like what I used to be. I did all stuff I made only for the sake of turning it on the due time.

Good thing, it turns normal already. My passion and fighting spirit is coming back to me, and with it inside on me... I'm ready to face my upcoming project this July.

Anyway... this spring quarter, i was taking 4 classes. The most interesting and memorable one is Principal of 3D Modeling class. Actually, that's the basic class for animation/game art student, I took it because it was offered for film student as an elective class.

Since the beginning, I have an interest in 3D... My bf is an animation and game student, and he's really good in 3D modeling. I used to see he worked on 3D software and it looks fun and interesting.

Moreover, afterall... I'm a typical of people who loves to learn a new different stuff :)

So, at first I was really excited on that class... I put a LOT of effort to understand it, and I wanted to proof myself that I COULD make a good 3D, even I'm not an animation student. I wanted to show that although I'm a film student, I still wouldn't lose to the rest of the class.

I put a lot of hard works at the first couple week... I worked overnight for the assignment the teacher gave me and tried to go beyond what she asked to do.

Have to say, i was really proud of my first couple works.

week 1 assignment: Modeling a cellphone

week 2 assignment: modeling a dining room

with spoon, pork, knife, bowl, and plate detail

week 4 assignment: modeling plane

I know all above is look so "cupu" (I can't find a right word in English), but for the newbie in 3D modeling, I was really proud of myself that I could make stuff like that in the first couple weeks.

But in the middle of quarter, when I checked my mid-grade... I was really shock that I only got C- for that class. I really pissed off with her. At first, for me, her reason was kinda nonsense. How come I got such a low grade for the thing I worked beyond the average, although I missed a couple of detail on it. C'mon... I was still a beginner in 3D.

Couldn't she see that I put a lot of effort?

Couldn't she realize how I tried to go beyond what she asked?

Got really pissed off and for a week or two after that, i didn't want to put much effort anymore. I did the assignment exactly as what she said, I didn't experiment or think to make the project above the average anymore.

But at the week 8, she assigned us to make a boat, not with polygon but with NURBS (Maya software term). At first, i only wanted to model a simple little sailboat, so it would be really easy. But something inside of me kept telling me...

"are you sure you'll be satisfied only with the average thing?"

"are you sure that you'll be fine only with something that everybody can make easily"

"are you sure you don't want to prove at least for yourself, that you can do better?"

"are you sure that you don't want to show yourself, that although you are film student, you can beat those animation student if you work really hard"

I kept ignoring it for a while, telling myself that it was useless to put such a big effort for the teacher that couldn't appreciate it.

But at the end, I was like "arrgghhh... like I care, let's make the hardest one that I could find! Who cares if she doesn't appreciate it??? At least I KNOW that I CAN MAKE BEYOND AVERAGE"

So I browsed the boat picture and came with army boat.

Lot of detail and was really hard. But every time I thought to change it into something easier, my self-pride said "NO WAY!!!"

And I made it, I did the the best that I can... I put every detail as much as I can and turned it into her inbox.

I even didn't care about the grade. I was pretty satisfied that finally I made it done for my own sake.

The teacher didn't say anything about it too, we moved to final project. I decided to make a 3D interior of a boutique.

Lot of detail as always, and I took it as a challenge to myself.

A couple days ago, when I showed it to her, we had a little chat and for the first time she knew that I'm not an animation/game but film student. She was really surprised and said "What?? No way! Why? Why aren't you in animation??? You're really good on it"

and at that time... I smiled

And the smile was getting wider while I got her email this afternoon

It made my day definitely :)

I'm glad that I didn't give up at the first place. I'm glad that I still worked my best and I'm glad that I can show my best.

once again, i proved it to myself, that as long I give and fight my best, there's no star out of reach :)

"I see great things in your future!"

Thank you for believing me :D I will keep fighting to make it come true.... so one day, all of us can look back to this day and say "See? Told you so!"

Gonna fight hard for that :)

Hawai'i Getaway

About two weeks ago, I got a chance to visit Hawai'i :D That was my first time actually, that's why I was soooooooooo excited!!!

Recently, I got a really hectic schedule with never ending school homework, the Indonesian Youth Catholic Community for Seattle area, and the preparation for my project in Indonesia this summer. All of them kinda made me like zombie on these past few weeks. You know, it was like... woke up in the morning, went to school, did the project, did the homework, emailed and called here and there regarding the community thing, did the school project, and then the night came already so I went to sleep... And the circle repeated again and again the next day and the day after next, and so on.

It's good to have a little getaway.... :)

Spent 3 days on Hawai'i without thinking about anything about my daily routine. Just having fun! :)

What I was eating...

Mix Mocchi Balls

Oxtail Ramen

Pig Lau Lau

Lomi Salmon

Cold Noodle

Sakura Mocchi

Lemon Pepper Shrimp

Puka Dog

Pineapple float (Pineapple ice cream and pineapple juice)

Pork Katsu and Kimchi Curry

Shave Ice

Gyukaku

Where I was going...

Kamehameha Statue

Hanauma Bay - Snorkeling time

After the snorkeling

Waikiki Beach


Dole Plantation


On the Maze

Pearl Harbor

Nuuanu Pali

Two Rainbows at the end of our journey :)

There's some of it... but apparently I have 600ish picture during those 3 days. You can find some of them here.

Ahhhh... that was such a great getaway... I feel really fresh after that :D

*anyway... currently I'm thinking to change my blog layout, but not sure how to make it. So I just download a free blog template for it. But not satisfied yet :(

Mudika Seattle Retreat 2010: God is My Search Engine

"Patient Trust"
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Above all, trust in the slow work of God
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time

And so I think it is with you.
your ideas mature gradually-let them grow
let them shape themselves, without undue hast.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

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A brief quotation from "Letters to Young Poets"
Ranier Maria Rilke

Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves.

Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you,
because you would not be able to live them-
and the point is to live everything.

Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will gradually,
without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.

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John 16:12-14

Jesus said to his disciples:
"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.
But when he comes, the Spirit of truth,
he will guide you to all truth.
He will not speak on his own,
but he will speak what he hears,
and will declare to you the things that are coming."

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"No rush, Sara!" I could hear YOU said so to me.
"Though it might seem like you are on the lowest path of life. Though it might seem like you are walking on a never ending dark tunnel, without any sign of light.
Though it might seem that there's no way...
No need to worry, trust ME that I know what's best for you!
Keep walking, keep fighting, keep doing your best for you and others... and soon you'll get there.
There's a time for everything!
You need to experience the SUFFERING, before you know what JOY is.
You need to walk on ANXIETY in order to understand FAITH
You need to fight your best, so you will understand what the meaning of process is
and you need to fall down, so you will realize....
I'm always here for you"

I heard YOU, whispered it softly to my heart..
So God... Stand beside me during the process of living the question.
Remind me not to ask why and seek for the answer
Help me to remember that one day at the right time, YOU will reveal the answer to me.
Lead me through the way always and I know...
Soon I'll be there.

Lazy F Camp- Ellensberg
28-30 May 2010