All over again :)
Too many updates happened since the last time i wrote the blogpost.
But well, the funny thing about life is.... when you finally begin to plan something and think that you know where you're going to, suddenly the path change...
And yes, it did happen...
I went back home on the journey to find back my own light and met my dearest people.
I looked for comfort and strength, for companion on my hardest moment of time
Yet...,
I got ignored by person who I thought would care of me...
I broke up with my boyfriend (well, i should say my ex then)...
Then at the same time, when i ran into my good friend, my emergency button.
The last hope i could rely on, the best one i could talk to...., but things got really complicated.
Lot of things going on...
And long story short, another goodbye exist.
Alone, it hit me bad.
Just like universe went against me in everything, left me completely alone.
And I fell further down and hit the ground.
Scattered... Broken into pieces.
Completely lost with no one to run to and to comfort me...
And there was a week I fell to the lowest point of my life.
A week i spent with tired fake smile, just to make world see that i seemed okay.
A week of no spark in my eyes, only pain that shined there.
A week of with grey aura...
With friends I was laughing, but feel nothing
With beer and tequila every other night, sitting on the corner of Lucifer bar
With non stop cigarets smoke, blowed from my mouth (when actually i was clean from smoking thingy before)
Why did I do so? Dunno...
Because sometimes, the feeling is beyond words....
"dan ada hal-hal yang cuma bisa dilegakan oleh hembusan asap", that was my friend told me....
I was simply dying inside
tried to remember... And to accept...
There's a time for everything....
A time to hold on and a time to let go.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
And these words, all over again, simply true.
"Nothing is forever and the time comes when we must say goodbye to the world we know.
Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted. Goodbye to those we thought would never abandon us.
And when these changes finally do occur,
when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken its place,
all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome."
- Desperate Housewives -
There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
There are people we can't live without but have to let go.
I just have to let go. It will be okay.
If people comes to our path for reasons, God takes them away for a MUCH BETTER reason.
Their purpose in my life is simply done. The prayer I sent above has granted.
Time to move on.
Then I just felt enough with my down and lost phase...
And funny, after I accept all the situation and this hurtful moment,
I feel much better than what i felt these last couple months.
I feel lighter inside....
If I felt that It was completely pitch black in front of me before, suddenly I see the ray of light
I began to step further and gathered every pieces of me that scattered.
After falling down to the lowest point, the empty space that left for me is to climb up above.
And that's what I'm doing now. Slowly but sure...
And I'll be okay soon...
And i know.... The star inside of me, starts shining again, once more :)
And now, for all of you that stayed with me at my downfall moment...THANK YOU!
I do really grateful for having you all in my life...
*hug and kisses
