Those Careless Times...

I browsed through my iPhoto this morning, and I found this..
The picture of us
In those careless times.

It was two years ago, back in Yogya with dearly friends of mine.
With our laughs, looking for new adventure every each other days

I miss those careless times, careless laughs
When we still could laugh at our troubles, when cheers over glasses of beer/liquor could ease the pain.

Now I sound like an old lady -___-
But oh well, time goes on
We just couldn't stay young forever, that's I know surely

This just another thing I have to accept
Another chapter of life is about to begin...

I should understand more...

To those whom much is given, of him shall much be required.

-Luke 12: 48

I saw much in Facebook lately...
My friend from my previous campus in Yogya are getting married one by one.
I saw their wedding ceremony picture one after one, another after another.
And suddenly, this thought stroked my mind.

"What kind of thought? Do you want to get married as well?"
No, that's NOT the question. I don't feel any urge to rush it neither.
But I have this kind of thought...

I do look back to the days we were together and I remembered each of them
They are not kind of bright, smart, or ambitious people
They are all pretty ordinary
From the countryside, from a conservative family, studying for the sake of the degree, graduated then working as teacher in ordinary school, going to church every Sunday, involving much in their Church activities, and so on...
No ambition to be the best one, no desire for pursuing and learning another thing
Something I did consider boring at this whole time

But now, they all have a settled live
Still ordinary, but it seems calm without much drama and stuff
Experienced nothing broad, but satisfied with their modest life
Seeing nothing much, but enough with their simple world
Yeah, simple.... 
Studying, graduated, working, finding a similar partner, then married with no big celebration
Nothing extraordinary, but simply peaceful one.

I found it boring this whole time, as I have this big ambition of mine along the way...
I wanted to learn many things, I wanted to pursue a big dream and stuff
I ran here and there, experienced this and that, saw good and bad, did both behave and naughty.

I've been living in a grey line...
Have no regret, I have broader view of world than any of them by now
But in the mess like this,
I do wonder... If I did thrown every single ambition of mine since the beginning
If I did satisfy with those simple life...
Would my life be better than now?

"To those whom much is given, of him shall much be required."
I should understand more...

Don't Keep the Hatred. Let Go Before You Do

Everybody is fighting their own battle.
There's a life behind every smile.


Recently...
There are times I want to scream you coward
There are times I want to mad and angry at you
There are times I want to corner you and point my finger at you
There are times I want to cry and throw all harsh words to you


But I keep holding back...
For I know, you are fighting as well
You suffer as well
And I could couldn't have heart to do so...


But there are also times I feel the hatred starts growing unto me
...


Before it reaches me, then do I better let go?
Before it dims me even further now

Never Ever Been Easy

Yeah, it's never ever been easy for me
But somebody has to make decision and stand strong for it, because this cannot wait.


So here I am,
Still trying to smile and be grateful, though I'm unbearably scared inside
There's time I feel like I'm completely alone, but yet I know I'm not alone anymore


Be stronger, that's just what I have to do...
As before, as always

When Rainbows End

The nightmare has turned real...

Cannot run, with it, i have to deal

Kertas hijau itu seperti malaikat maut bersembunyi di balik polosnya bulu domba
Seperti biasa, masih mencoba tersenyum
Masih mencoba bersyukur


Sepertinya DIA lagi-lagi tersenyum menggoda dan berkata,
"Setangguh apa sih kamu, Sara? Kucoba lagi ya?"


Silahkan Gusti...
Aku pasrah
Pada rencanaMu sajalah aku berserah 

Looking at the Brighter Side

"Life is funny, isn't it? 

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out,

just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something,

and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change,

the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and

east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction." 

-Cecelia Ahern (Where Rainbows End)

Hufff...

Yeah, suddenly the paths change, I guess...

Directing me to a truly-completely-unexpected path.

A nightmare has turned into reality now

But, looking at the brighter side, I know it could be worser.

So, I'll try to still be grateful and say "THANK YOU" again to Him

And the rest..., to be frank, still don't know what I should do

But I'll walk again, one step in time

Dan saya masih percaya, bahwa saya dijaga...

Selalu...

Negative...

Feel really lonely. Strange. Kinda empty inside. Hard to sleep. Yet so sleepy. Sorta tired mentally. Weird late period. Unproductive. Feeling distant with others. Unwanted. Left behind. 


Need a comfort hug, definitely not a simple 'basa basi' one


But, whatever...

Loneliness Kills, But....

"So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotion as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearning."  -Eat, Pray, Love

To be really honest, I have this kind of problem with loneliness.
Once before, that was the thing I was scared the most. 
I never could stand alone for too long...
With my own way, I always found somebody to lean on, a temporary pain killer for endure the lonely night and day.
I was weak with attention. If somebody showed it to me, then whoever it was, I would yearned for more.
Sometimes, thing that I craved the most was only having somebody to lay next to me, where I could sleep on their arms. Somebody who could offer me hug and warm embrace during the coldest night.


But as time goes by, I learned to live and make a peace agreement with the loneliness itself.
As I realized one day and found its true beauty, after a hurtful good-byes, I cheered it on over a glass of red wine at one little cafe on Melbourne's Alley. 
And started from there, I've been learning my way around it.


I guess it will always be a life-time process of learning... 
I'm just a human.
There always be a temptation for me to find another temporary place for me comforting myself during those lonely times.
Because loneliness still kills...


But this time, I'll just sit with it.
This cup of warm coffee is okay to help me bearing it.


I can endure it and I'm much stronger now
Having you, is just more than enough...

An Agreement with God... and the Result

Flash back to September 1st, when i made my first agreement with God Himself...

I was worried...
I was scared to the bone...
I was unsure...

I felt my path was pitch black and it headed nowhere...
I glanced and saw all the people followed their own path and left me behind
I looked around and saw all the fingers pointed at me "loser...loser..."

I stood alone, tried to believe... This was just a part of the law of process
I told myself, why I should be afraid after all of these times HE proved to me that HE has HIS own plan at HIS own time.
And yeah, long story short, I made an agreement with Him.

An agreement...
That I would shut down all negative voice in my head
That I would not care what other people thought
That I would care not about anything any longer, but focusing myself to fight my best
To win above myself, to reveal the best side of me
And let HIM take care the rest of it...
That's how we divided our work.

And here I am now... 4 months after the agreement we made.
I look back and smile....

After those downfall moment...
After those "loser" judgement from others...
Who would even guess that I would join in Garin Nugroho's crew making his new big film "Soegija"?
Who would even expect that the legend now knows me personally and acknowledges my quality?
Who would even think that finally I would make my way here and there, getting chance that not any people will get easily?

After learning a lot in pre-production and production time of Soegija, then getting a chance to join the shooting of Rako's Malaikat tanpa Sayap as an assistant of Script n Visual continuity, following by opportunity to help in Soegija's post production... Now I'm waiting for another shooting day of Hanung's Perahu Kertas.
Unexpectable. Unbelievable.

Here I am now...
Running in a very full-speed towards my dreams, catching up with all the time I've wasted during my galau phase...
I've grown and still growing to be a better and stronger person... Day by day...
Facing and encountering all the challenge directly while believing, i'll be stronger more that i could think about once all of this done

I made my entrance already to the dream I never knew I had
The rest is up to me...

Matur nuwun, Gusti...
Again, YOU proved it to me, YOU would never fail me.

And yeah, we made it :)

Today is Your Best Day, Yet

The writing below is a bridesmaid's speech on the wedding of my friend's sister.
I heard it again and again today as I was doing the editing, and it bursted me into tears

Here, I share it now with you :)

Me and Yunny already been together for about 16 years today...
And every time we meet, we always say that
"Hey, this is the best experience!"
"This is the best shopping trip!"
"This is the best coffee!"
"This is the best conversation!"
But apparently, the next time we hang out again, we'll say...
"Wait..., hold on. Wait a minute... This is actually the best thing!"
...
We went to Japan last year, and then we thought: "Okay this is the best, really.. This is the best. Nothing can top this anymore."
But when we got home, as we grabbed our blackberry and we texted each other... Again, we was like... "Wait..., this is actually the best conversation we ever had!!!"

So...see, the best experience doesn't depend on the scale or the expense... But the best experience depends on who you shared it with, it depends on your heart attitude, and it really depends on what you take from that experiences.

Today is the same thing. Today is your wedding day..., so you may feel this is the best day of your life.
But I'm back to differ :)
Because Yunny, you'll wake up tomorrow and you'll look at your husband..., and you'll see "Wow, i never loved him this much!"
And Handy, you'll look at Yunny and you'll say "Wow, I've never seen her so beautiful ever in my life..."

So see, the next day... Tomorrow always be better than today, and today always be better than yesterday.
So today is not your best day. Today is your best day yet.

Because today is not our best day. It's only our best day, yet :)

Quarter-Life-Crisis Babbling

Dear Gusti...

Okeh... Saya mau babbling ngawur dulu skarang

Baeklah... I guess I'm currently in the middle of quarter life crisis ya.
Hufffff, knapa si musti aneh2 kya gini?
Ga bisa ya hidupku normal tanpa pikiran aneh2 gini?
*protes mode, huehuehuehue...

Jujur, aku bingung mau ngapain skarang...
Ngerasa ada pressure umur n ga jelas bgt di depanku sekarang.

Kyanya taun 2011 ini bener2 taun aku dikasih kesempatan buat nata hidup n perasaan aku satu-satu lewat masalah-masalah yang ada ya.
Awal 2011 kemaren, aku burnt out... Aku jatoh sejatoh-jatohnya...
Kehabisan energi, ketakutan, ga tau musti ngapain n ke mana...
Then I spent my 3 months traveling around... It recharged my spirit back
Not to mention, masalah hati selesai seselesai-selesainya...
As if You put me on those lost phase to resolve those matter...

And now I'm back to Seattle...
Full power, masalah hati selesai, ready to fight again...
But then, now this is time for quarter life crisis hits me badly...
Yessss, been thinking and worrying this since about a year...
Dan sepertinya saat ini, sabarku lagi sampai pada puncaknya
Bukan gara2 galau si... Tapi justru gara2 energiku pulih, aku pingin gerak maju secepat yang aku bisa.
Dan keinginan ini sepertinya akhirnya bikin aku semacam gelisah ga sabar...

Mau protes knapa musti ada acara quarter life crisis segala... Di saat kya gini pula
Hufffff, iya si, better now than later...
Yudha bener... Apa aku mau kya couple of my friends, being a dad already, having a children but still lost?
Di umur segitu, masih ga tau musti ngapain...
Di umur segitu, operating systemnya masih ga jalan sempurna...?

Okay, kenapa sekarang? Kenapa ga dari dulu2?
But better now than never, isn't it?
Klo dibilang late..., well... Even I think there's couple friends on my age still on the same stage with me now.
The differences might be...., aku mengolah setiap emosi yang aku rasain saat ini.
Aku sadar dan menelusuri setiap emosi-emosi itu, memaknai maksud dan tujuannya, dan berusaha berprogres ke arah yang lebih baik.

Setiap orang ga pernah dikasih cobaan yang lebih dari kemampuannya...
Dan i believe You give each of us a different challenge and obstacles based on our characteristic, which would make us grow to be a better person in the future
IF we pass it well...
Dan aku percaya, situasiku saat ini, blessing or curse, whatever it is... adalah yang terbaik buat aku
Dan aku percaya, kalau aku dikasih situasi dan krisis kya gini, it's for my own good
Without problem and crisis, how can people evolving themselves into a better person?

Dan aku yakin, pergulatan saat ini... Cuma sarana yang Kau kasih buat aku berkembang lebih dan lebih baik lagi...
Aku ga mau lewatin krisisku dengan nyerah dan jadi bitter n give up... :)
Terserah orang mau bilang apa... Aku yakin setiap orang mengalami pergulatan yang sama dengan kondisi dan situasi yang berbeda :)
This is only temporary, to build a better me :)

Kekuatanku sekaligus kelemahanku adalah... Aku peka sama setiap perasaan dan emosi terkecil yg aku rasain dan berusaha mengolahnya...
Aku bergulat setiap harinya... Walau orang mungkin ga menyadari itu...

So yah, Gusti Allah sing welas asihhhhh
Lead my way...
Aku akan berjuang sebaik-baiknya... Mencoba berkembang sebaik-baiknya
Bersabar sebaik-baiknya...
Keep pushing the wall... With the better weapon each time :)
I'll live this anxiety now... And perhaps i'll gradually live closer each day to the answer :)

Matur nuwun Gusti
Matur nuwun...

Matur nuwun ga ngerasin hati aku untuk ngelihat ini :)

For I Finally Found You

With those long list about my flirting and playing history

With everything that I have stupidly done in the past

With all harsh judgement and assumption that ruining my reputation to the end

...

Yet you still take me as the way I am...

Never questioning why...

Never look down on me...

Thank you.

Yes, I finally found you :)

That night, my soul saw you and said...

"Ahhh..., there you are" :)

A bit of sign, God...

Would You?

500 Days of Summer... and You (continued)

On the second thought..., if I think again now,

Why didn't it work for me and him together?

Why I ended up being such a cruel person for him, while I never meant to be that?

Then if my biggest issue when I was with him was about a commitment and marriage issue, why not so long after I broke up with him, I met this person and I had no problem about the same idea?

...

Well..., maybe it's only because we weren't meant to be together?

Because, there's another person we're destined to be with?

Tom: What happened? Why - why didn't they work out?
Summer: What always happens. Life.

Till then, dear

I hope one day you'll understand

500 Days of Summer... and You

I was spending my Saturday night, watching this movie again. And yes, somehow it brought me into a deep thinking and kinda guilty feeling...

Basically the film tells about a beautiful woman named Summer that doesn't believe that true love exists and a man that falls to her. Along the movie, they were getting closer... They spent their times together, holding hand, kissing, love making, and stuff. Though, she insisted on her words, they were only just friend. She didn't want to put a label on their relationship. And apparently it drove him crazy as time went by, but somehow, with her charm, she always could persuade him to understand.

Then long story short, at the end of the movie, she suddenly married with somebody else... leaving him alone with his feeling and memory about her.

Well, back then..., when I watched this film with my ex-bf, he said he liked this film. Why? Because it showed how bitch and cruel a woman can be.

And as I watched this movie again, I just couldn't help remembering it...

After all of these times, I think I ended up being perfectly Summer for him...

Playing around... Doing whatever I wanted... Using my charm to make him understand, because I knew he would do that for me...

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

And at the end, I just used simply excuse like her

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

While I guess... if he could, maybe he really wanted to tell me these

Tom: You know what sucks? That everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit. It sucks.

Hufffff.... as I watched those film again, the memories recalled and I felt really guilty last night.

I thought about how Summer I was before for him...

I thought why it didn't work and why I ended up acting like that.

Maybe again, this Summer's quote was right...

Summer: You were right... It's just me you weren't right about

Yah... maybe it just me he wasn't right about.

A year I put him on hold with excuses that I didn't want to commit in a relationship. I made him wait and wait, while I was busy playing around with other people as well. Whenever he was about to give up and move on, I used my charm to persuade him to stay. It's been a year before finally he tired completely and gave me the ultimatum that this time he definitely would move on.

That time I was confused, I still wasn't sure about being in a relationship with him yet, but I was too afraid to be left behind. So I said yes...

I thought I made a right decision, but apparently I only postponed the problem for a while and made it worser at the end...

Hufffff... whenever I think again how sembarangan I was and how much I hurt him back then, hurt me as well.

So you, dear....

I'm so sorry for being such a bitch before. I never meant to

And wherever you are now, I wish you tons of happiness, more than when you were with me...

You were always right, whatever you believed in... about commitment, compromise with each other, and so on

It just me you weren't right about...

Hope you'll find your "Autumn" soon, because you deserve the best...

Sorry I couldn't be that one.

So Better Things Can Fall Together

Been quite a while not writing anything :)

And yes, since then I've been lost and falling down, then followed by accepting and letting go phase.

Accepting that if God took people away from my life, it should be for a MUCH BETTER reason.

At that point I surrendered and let everything go.

I went to #AussieTrip to collect all the pieces of feeling and memories and after then I knew I was done and done...

Funny thing, once I accepted and let everything go, all at once everything seemed getting better and better...

It made me understand, why all those dearest people had to walk away all of sudden from my life.

Because once I let them go, I just give someone better a chance to walk in.

And somehow, when he walked in, suddenly I see..., why things didn't work before with other people :)

Never felt this way before...

Matur nuwun Gusti Allah, boleh ini yang terakhir ya? :)

There's a Time for Everything part 2

Yes, nothing last forever and there's a time for everything.
All over again :)

Too many updates happened since the last time i wrote the blogpost.

But well, the funny thing about life is.... when you finally begin to plan something and think that you know where you're going to, suddenly the path change...
And yes, it did happen...

I went back home on the journey to find back my own light and met my dearest people.
I looked for comfort and strength, for companion on my hardest moment of time
Yet...,
I got ignored by person who I thought would care of me...
I broke up with my boyfriend (well, i should say my ex then)...
Then at the same time, when i ran into my good friend, my emergency button.
The last hope i could rely on, the best one i could talk to...., but things got really complicated.
Lot of things going on...
And long story short, another goodbye exist.

Alone, it hit me bad.
Just like universe went against me in everything, left me completely alone.
And I fell further down and hit the ground.
Scattered... Broken into pieces.
Completely lost with no one to run to and to comfort me...

And there was a week I fell to the lowest point of my life.
A week i spent with tired fake smile, just to make world see that i seemed okay.
A week of no spark in my eyes, only pain that shined there.
A week of with grey aura...
With friends I was laughing, but feel nothing
With beer and tequila every other night, sitting on the corner of Lucifer bar
With non stop cigarets smoke, blowed from my mouth (when actually i was clean from smoking thingy before)
Why did I do so? Dunno...
Because sometimes, the feeling is beyond words....
"dan ada hal-hal yang cuma bisa dilegakan oleh hembusan asap", that was my friend told me....
I was simply dying inside

But then after a week being broken, I just feel enough
tried to remember... And to accept...
There's a time for everything....
A time to hold on and a time to let go.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
And these words, all over again, simply true.

"Nothing is forever and the time comes when we must say goodbye to the world we know.
Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted. Goodbye to those we thought would never abandon us.
And when these changes finally do occur,
when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken its place,
all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome."
- Desperate Housewives -

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
There are people we can't live without but have to let go.
I just have to let go. It will be okay.

If people comes to our path for reasons, God takes them away for a MUCH BETTER reason.
Their purpose in my life is simply done. The prayer I sent above has granted.
Time to move on.

Then I just felt enough with my down and lost phase...
And funny, after I accept all the situation and this hurtful moment,
I feel much better than what i felt these last couple months.
I feel lighter inside....
If I felt that It was completely pitch black in front of me before, suddenly I see the ray of light
I began to step further and gathered every pieces of me that scattered.

After falling down to the lowest point, the empty space that left for me is to climb up above.
And that's what I'm doing now. Slowly but sure...

And I'll be okay soon...
And i know.... The star inside of me, starts shining again, once more :)

And now, for all of you that stayed with me at my downfall moment...THANK YOU!
I do really grateful for having you all in my life...
*hug and kisses

When The Star Lost Its Shine

images are from here

What will be happen when a star, that used to show the lost soul their way back home, suddenly lost its shine and get lost?
That's the question that has been haunting me since the beginning of this year.

I hate to admit, but yet I'm currently messed up.
Somehow, I've been lost and don't know which direction I'm running to.
It feels like I've been exhausted mentally... I keep asking myself "Do you know where are you going to, Sara?"

People said "Run if you can, walk if you must, crawl if you have to. Just don't stop!"
I know I've been running the whole time, I rarely did walk or crawl.

Inside of me, there's tons of bright positive energy awaits to be shared to other. There's a strong will that drive me to do my best in everything I do. There's a spirit that makes me able to make something impossible become possible.
People who knows me well, know what kind of girl I am.
People who knows me well, know how I always smile sincerely to others and emits positive energy to my surrounding
People who knows me well, know how I pray to be the light that shines in the darkness and how I fight to make it true.

But right now, somehow I can't run... Neither even walk.
Somehow I feel exhausted and overwhelmed by random things.
The usual spirit inside somehow defected and I couldn't be the usual me that I used to be.

It's been happening since the beginning of this year,
yet at first I kept telling myself that I have to keep on running, at least walking.
I kept forcing myself to win this battle on my own.
I kept telling myself, I'm a strong girl....
Stronger that anybody could imagine. So I had to stand strong still.
I was lost but I kept insisting to shine to other people
And at the end, it just caused me lost more further and deeper.

images are from here

At one point, when it was more than what I could bear of.... I surrendered.
I cried for help to my dearest and closest people of mine....
I began to fall and broken, yet they reached out my hand and pulled me back...
I told them, I'm lost... I told them, I couldn't run anymore or even walk, even hardly crawl.
I'm scared to be blamed, I'm afraid to be judged

Yet, they all said the same thing...
"You need rest. It's fine. You've been so strong. You've been fighting your best along these time.
You've been putting other people first, more than yourself.
Even a hero has the right to be bleed.
Stop running. It's fine... It doesn't mean you give up.
Go retreat for a while and search within."

I cried...
I've been running and fighting my best. I always thought I'd need to always do so...
In order to be loved, in order to be accepted.
I'm exhausted but was afraid to left behind. I'm lost but was afraid to be judged.
I'm overwhelmed but was pretending to be strong and fine.
Little did I know, it just made all situation worser...
It filled me up inside with crankiness and negative emotion.
I lost even more...

But then I know I'm still loved, I'm still accepted. As the way I am.
I'm weak but dear, I'm crying but yet still dear.
It's fine like that, then it will be fine.
People who are dear to me understand, then the rest opinion, who cares?

images are from here

And so, now I take a step back and retreat...
I'm lost right now and I admit it.
But I know I'll be fine....

Therefore, to those I ever sparked my light to...
To those I ever showed your way back home and helped you shine once again...
Would you like to spark a bit of your light to me now?

This time, I think it's me that need a guiding light :)

Never Let Go, Never Say Goodbye

Sahabat itu diuji oleh waktu...

Siapa yang selalu ada di samping kita dan mendukung kita dalam setiap pergulatan hidup.

Yang mengerti saat kita susah meski tanpa kita bicara

Yang menarik saat kita menjauh

Yang bertahan saat diterpa kesalahpahaman

Yang memeluk saat kita menangis

Yang ikut bahagia saat kita tersenyum.

Yang ikut bangga saat kita berhasil.

Bukan yang hanya melihat lalu menikam dari belakang.

Bukan yang ada dengan perhatian palsu saat kita kesulitan.

Bukan yang terpaku saat salah satu menjauh

Bukan yang menjauh saat salah paham menerpa

Bukan yang hanya diam saat kita menangis

Bukan yang sinis saat kita bahagia

dan jelas bukan yang iri saat kita berhasil...

Hanya waktu yang bisa menunjukan...

siapa sahabat sejati, siapa bukan...

Dan untuk kalian, sahabat...

Biarpun sekarang kita terpisah jauh, jarak juga waktu

Tapi kita tahu, kita akan selalu ada untuk satu sama lain.

"Sahabat Selamanya"

(Sara Lea Tunas, 11 November 2009)

Yesterday, I did hurt and broken...

Yesterday, I did want to give up and let go

I did thought, if I was about to be left behind again... then let it be.

Since it always be the same pattern of story all over again...

Since I pretty used with that...

I did thought, it would be fine for me still...

I'm a strong girl, more than others could imagine, so those little fact wouldn't bring me down at all

I could take it sincerely... for not expecting any return for everything I did...

Though there's no one for me to count on, I still can count on my own self.

I know I'm strong enough for that.

Though there's no one that reach back my hand to pull me off from despair

Though I count 4, 3, 2... and voila, no one there...

Though...

Hurt, of course, but overall... I'm fine...

Knowing they do well, it's more than enough....

I can take it and let them go.... as long they are happy, as long they are smiling...

If it's only me that cherish them that much, but I'm not that important...

Then let it be :)

But later then. today... reading my own writing a year ago, slapped me directly on my face...

Time will reveal who is the one that we can call as "friend"...

who's the one who standing near us in good times and bad times

who's understand when one in need, without any need to say words or explanation

who's holding us and cry with us in the hard times

who's proud of us and smile with us in the happy times

That part, I know it soooooo well....

But I did forget one thing,

that friendship is not only about standing together, holding, crying, and cheering up in sad times, or smiling in the good times...

There's one more thing that people not really realized...

One more thing that makes lot of friendship breaks and fall apart.

One more important thing that makes a good long friends becomes a stranger...

We forgot...

That friendship is also about the one who's holding on and reminding when the other one starts to run away.

The one that fighting when the other one forget to do so.

Not the one who standing still, letting go, and looking quietly at other one's back that starts walking further, alone

Not the one who do nothing, when the bond starts disappear.

Friendship comes to an end, when one don't care anymore when the other ones run away...

When one chooses not to reach the other ones' hand and asks to stay...

No matter what reason is...

No matter it's for a good thought or a good wish...

The result is same: the distance expands between, soon becomes nothing but emptiness, changes story to history.

Counting on each other, when one in need... That's just how it suppose to be...

It is not about expecting the return from what one already did, when the other one was in need...

It's not like "hey, I've cheered you up, so it's time for you to cheer me up, so we're even!"...

but it's just like... "We're completing each other weakness, because we both cannot survive the otherwise"

Because there's no other way.

So, when a friend just forget to do so, when we starts counting 4, 3, 2, and they are not coming...

when a friend starts walking faster and leaves us behind...

It's our obligation to hold them on...

To let them know, "hey... I'm here, and I need you"

and ask them to stay...

and remind them... about how we used to cherish each other on.

Before one day, when it's too late already, we both will look back and said regretfully:

"Why did she NOT remind me?" and "Why did I NOT remind them?"

"Why did we NOT ask each other to stay?"

Because the world is forgetting, by the world forgot.

Friendship wasn't born as the way it is...

The bond isn't there because it was there since beginning...

Need an effort to keep cherishing each other as a gift, in good times and bad times.

As for me...

I'm really good at understanding sincerely and accepting people as the way they are patiently...

I'm also really good at putting other's people happiness before mine and letting them go to reach it after me...

But now, i guess it's time for me to learn...

not only stand quietly, watching them walk away and say 'let it be'

but how to hold them on close... if I do consider them as a dear person for me

Because that's what friends supposed to do.

Never let go, never say good bye.